Bang, BangYou're Dead
by Caitriona3
Summary: The team has just finished a mission and come back to the Bus to find a surprise guest waiting for them.


_Author's Notes - This is a one-shot, totally unrelated to any other work (at least thus far). I have no idea where this came from, but the scene literally popped into my head when I was driving home from work and demanded to be written. I don't think there are any spoilers whatsoever, but I have no idea where in the timeline it fits. Again, I am seriously hoping my AoS characters are not OOC._

**Bang Bang…You're Dead**

"Are we due a vacation yet?" Skye muttered as she traipsed into the lounge behind the rest of the team. She didn't mean to complain, but she was exhausted. The last few incidents came one on top of the other in a cascading waterfall leaving them no time to rest and recoup.

"Amen," Simmons murmured. Fitz just waved a hand at her, obviously in agreement.

Maybe if the true brains were with her that meant they could talk the agents into it?

Ward came to a sudden stop in front of her – so sudden she walked into him before realizing it. He didn't as much as waver. Instead he and Coulson pulled their guns. Coulson began shifting to the right, one hand moving to keep Fitz and Simmons behind him. Ward went left, drawing Skye with him. Around Ward's shoulder, Skye spotted the back of May's head where she seemed to be sitting in one of the chairs, slightly slumped.

_Uh, oh…_

Before she could finish the thought she felt something strike her in the back, right between her shoulder blades. A quick dull sort of pain that brought her spinning around trying to see what caused it. "Hey!"

Similar expressions came from Fitz and Simmons. Ward did some strange circling movement that ended with him facing the way they had come with her tucked in behind him. Coulson came around the scientists almost as quickly, but before either could take another step, they both startled backwards.

"What's going on?" Simmons hissed.

Ward touched his chest, and then brought his fingers up. "Paint?" His voice was laced with confusion.

"Bang, bang," came a sing-song voice from the shadows. "You're all dead." There was a pause during which Coulson and Ward sighted their weapons towards the voice, exchanging bewildered looks. "Oh, wait," the feminine voice continued, "Agent Coulson already knows this game. He's done it once." The voice hardened. "Or is still doing it, I should say."

"Come out," Coulson ordered.

"Agent Coulson, is that anyway to treat someone who's sparing your life?" The feminine voice seemed both serious and sarcastic all at the same time. Skye turned a wide-eyed gaze towards Coulson.

He lifted one eyebrow. "Please."

"Better."

Part of the shadow detached itself and moved. Both agents aimed towards the movement. A young dark-haired woman stepped into the light and Coulson's gun dropped immediately. Ward's did not. Green eyes rich with sardonic amusement flickered over the younger agent before turning towards Coulson, completely ignoring the weapon pointed directly at her head. "Nice plane."

Coulson stared at her for a long moment before he sighed and holstered his weapon. "Paintballs, Miss Lewis?"

"Made the point," she replied. "Hello Coulson's team, I'm Darcy Lewis." Darcy graced them with a smile. "Pleasure's mine." Her eyes focused on Ward. "You might want to put that away before my companion does it for you." His eyes narrowed, but he didn't move. She lifted a brow. "That wasn't a suggestion."

"Ward," Coulson said quietly. Ward shifted uneasily, but slowly put his gun away. Coulson refocused on the woman. "Companion?"

"Well, technically I guess you could say companions," she waved that off airily as she walked past him towards a table. Turning to face him, she pulled herself up so she could sit, legs swinging lazily. Her smile held a winsome charm. "But somebody has to guard the rear and somebody else has to fly the plane." Coulson's brow furrowed and his eyes darted towards the unconscious May. Darcy glanced over. "Oh, don't worry about Agent May," she reassured him. "She should be waking up soon. We couldn't leave her up and moving…she didn't want to play."

"Do I even want to know the game?" Coulson's dry voice drew surprised looks from the whole team.

"Oh, you want to know this one," Darcy's smile turned sharp.

Skye was confused. She moved so she could see a little more clearly. Ward moved with her, determined to keep her mostly behind him, but he did allow her to peer around. That clear green gaze captured hers as soon as she did. Darcy stared at her for a long moment before her eyes flicked up to Ward's face and gave an approving nod. Skye shifted uncomfortably and then the question burst out of her. "I'm sorry, but…who are you?"

A look of amusement crossed Darcy's face before she buried it under a patently mock-hurt expression. "Why, Agent Coulson…I'm hurt! Don't I even rate your 'avoid at all costs' list?"

"You might have," Coulson told her, his voice a mix of amusement and resignation, "if I thought you would be actively involved with SHIELD."

"Oh," Darcy shook her head. "I'm not actively involved with SHIELD. I still avoid SHIELD involvement whenever possible." Now a wicked humor lit her eyes. "It's just that I keep getting dragged into dealing with them. There's Jane and Thor and Stark and oh, say, _everybody_ else?"

"You know Thor?" Skye piped up once more.

Coulson sighed. "Miss Lewis was a civilian in New Mexico during the first incident."

"Yep!" Darcy grinned. "Not to mention during the most recent incident, and can I just say that aliens in London is way too cliché? I mean…hello, Doctor Who? Torchwood, even?" She tilted her head in consideration. "Granted, most of that takes place in Wales, but whatever." A laugh spilled out of her. "SHIELD tried to recruit me after that."

"And?" Coulson's eyebrows rose in question.

"I turned them down flat."

"In that case, Miss Lewis," Coulson's eyes narrowed slightly, "what are you doing here?"

"Oh, that's easy," she grinned at him. "A week or so ago I got a call from a friend of one of my previous employers. Said employer is about six feet under, but apparently this friend inherited his contact list. I was on it. I shouldn't have been," she assured him. "That particular life is so over and done, but Mack never could clean up after himself."

"What does a previous employer of a college student, dead or alive, have to do with this?" Ward asked.

"You know," Darcy buffed her nails on her jacket sleeve. "I had no clue just how good my cover up was until I saw the file SHIELD has on me. That is the most gorgeous piece of fiction I have ever managed to pull off." Coulson stood straighter and she winked. "It moves from fiction to fact around the same time I took the internship with Jane." Ward opened his mouth, but she held up a hand. "Now," she continued, "this guy called me up and offered me one hell of a dollar amount to take one last contract. My plan was to string him along just long enough to get the dirt for the authorities. I mean, a new leaf is a new leaf, right? Backsliding does no good because then you have to regain all that ground and it is such a pain in the ass." Her eyes widened, giving her a look of innocent surprise. "Imagine my shock when the target of the contract is a man I've been assured is already dead!"

"You're an assassin?" Fitz gaped.

"Retired," Darcy assured him. "Totally and utterly retired, pardoned and everything."

Simmons blinked at her. "So you _were_ an assassin?"

"Oh, yes," Darcy smiled. "Wanted in six countries under various names."

"They've all pardoned you?" Ward frowned.

"Let's see," she replied, tapping her lips with one finger. "I have a presidential pardon for the US. Britain and Germany both gave me pardons as well. I think Russia is still pissed at me, so that warrant might still be applicable. Japan gave me a medal, and Madripoor probably shouldn't count since everyone goes on and off their wanted list like a turnstile at Grand Central." Then she shrugged. "But please, if you think I'm bad? You should meet my dad. He's mental."

Coulson lifted a hand to rub his forehead. "Miss Lewis-"

"Despite being surprised at the target," she interrupted, "I still strung him along and gathered as much intel as I could. Then I took everything and dumped it in the laps of three of my favorite people on the planet. They did the rest of the digging and here we are!" The winsome smile was back. "We really did drop by just to give you a heads up on the contract and to let you know that it will be dealt with."

"And that's all?" Coulson's look held subdued disbelief.

"Well," Darcy drew the word out slowly. "That's all _I'm_ here for." Her eyes moved to the door at the back of the room. "I kind of think _they_ want to have a word with you."

Skye turned with everyone else to see two new people enter the room. An elegant, but dangerous looking redheaded woman stood there, her clouded green eyes focused on Coulson. A man with dirty blond hair and shadowed blue eyes stood next to her, gaze scanning the room before fixing on Coulson as well. Fitz choked as Simmons' eyes went wide. Ward actually flinched and she heard him muttering a couple of curses under his breath. Coulson remained stoic and steady although she had to admit he did appear to pale slightly.

Darcy hopped off the table. "So, Clint and Tasha seem to have plans, so I'm going to go check on our pilot." She gave the team a sympathetic look and cocked an eyebrow at their leader. "Maybe you should give them permission to take off?"

"If I agree not to bother the pilot," May's voice suddenly joined the conversation, "would someone please just untie me? I could get out, but I prefer not to hear any of this if I could avoid it."

Coulson nodded at Ward who immediately began shuffling the team out of the room. Darcy cut May free and led her in the opposite direction. Skye could hear the other woman telling May, "We'll just go visit Bucky in the cockpit. I'm thinking this should be a private discussion."

The last thing Skye saw was Coulson, a little pale but composed, standing as though meeting his executioners. She looked at Ward and he just shook his head. "Coulson's previous team," he replied to her unasked question. "I think someone forgot to tell them he survived."

"Ouch," she winced.

"That's Romanoff and Barton," Fitz muttered. "I think 'ouch' might be understating it." Simmons nodded, her eyes still a little wider than normal.

"We're staying out of it," Ward told them. He glanced back to the now closed door. "Out of sight, out of mind, and out of the line of fire."

"They won't hurt him, will they?" Skye asked.

"No," Ward replied immediately and without a hint of doubt. "It's just…it's a matter of trust and that's never going to be anything but messy."

"So what do we do?" she demanded.

"These two are going to go do science stuff," Ward told her, "any kind of science stuff that requires nothing anywhere near the lounge. You and I are going to go work on weapons or self-defense or even Battleship if we have to…somewhere that is not here."

She followed them as they moved further and further away from that closed door, glancing back just once. "Is it bad to be glad it's not me?" she murmured.

"Smart," he replied. "Very smart."

Skye's eyes lifted to meet Ward's. "Do you think we might get that vacation now?"

His lips quirked up into an amused smile. "Oh, I'd put our odds at better than even."

"Huh…that bad?"

"That bad."

_Author's Note 2 - Kudos to you if you know who I suddenly decided to make Darcy's dad in this particular fic. Again, it was a random on the spot decision...fitting actually._


End file.
